Black Widows vs. Sloppy Males: 1- 0

Well, why did women have to struggle to get what was rightfully theirs in the first place? Why did they end up burning their bras, protesting in the streets for their right to vote?

Yes, we finally got our rights, but not thanks to men – we had to fight our way up into society, from housemaids-slash-occasional-sex-objects to full members (unfortunately we didn’t manage to lose the sex-object tag).

Yes, women often resort to plastic surgery and they go on crucifying diets, but for whom I ask of you? It’s men that want women to be extremely slim, full-breasted, full-lipped and cellulite free. One of my friends is closely and ruthlessly watching his wife’s weight, allowing her to eat only fruits, vegetables and rice, because he doesn’t want a “Rubens-kind of girl.”

But, as far as I know, men also undergo plastic surgery (hair implants, lifting, etc), especially during their mid-life crisis, when they start chasing much younger women (not that they weren’t doing it before, but then it’s getting really ugly).

And men ARE sloppy – they always leave the toilet seat up, they throw their clothes all over the place, they like to paint all kinds of metal objects right in the middle of the nice rug in the living room. When walking down a crowded street, some of them take delight in scratching their behind or in repeatedly feeling their crotch, just to check if their most precious asset is still there.

Perhaps my colleague preferred not to talk about foreplay because most men don’t even know what that’s all about or maybe they do but they won’t bother thinking about it.

And not all women want to cuddle or talk after sex – most women say they get hungry or sleepy. The truth is we moved over the talking part, because they always expect you to praise them afterwards, so it had become routine.

However, although it hurts a lot to say it, we can’t live with’em but we definitely can’t live without’em either. Perhaps it’s the maternal instinct, or the fear of being alone. As one of the characters in Pedro Almodovar’s latest movie said, a woman would do just about anything so that she doesn’t end up alone.

Some of you may recall one of my columns that was twisting a bit the classical frog-kiss-prince tale. Here is another variant, just for fun:

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess’ lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in my castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy to do so.”

That night, on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: “I don’t think so!!” Black widows may have their reasons.