Why being a guy is so great

Women always say that men have it easy. It does not occur to them that most things that “come easy” for men are available for women too. That is if they decide to act naturally. Well, we all know this is not bound to happen and so I thought I should let women in a few things they miss out.

It’s great to be a guy because:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one (small) suitcase. You can open your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name. You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.00 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original colour. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. Car mechanics tell you the truth. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress – $2000.00. Tuxedo rental – $75. You don’t mooch off others desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up in the same outfit, you still might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So notice anything different?”

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have a strap problem in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in you clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don’t have to shave below your neck. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. You can do your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on Dec. 24th, in 45 minutes. Your curves are never a factor in a job interview. Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours. Chocolate is just another snack. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. And very important – you have one mood, all the time.

Women feel compelled to turn these things into defaults. They shouldn’t have to. It’s easier to take things as they come to you and not always try to find secret meanings. Men don’t force women to do things. Competition is simply fiercer amongst women.